Memory Hoarding

Memories are intangible, so that poses a question: how could you be hoarding them? Well, you don’t have to be holding something or feel it touching you to know that it is there; some things in life you are never going to be able to see or touch – it will not have a physical presence in your life.

I once read the book ‘On the Other Side‘ (by Carrie Hope Fletcher), which centres around a woman who dies and returns to the body of her twenty-seven year old self. The catch is that before she can enter her personalised heaven, she has to let go of her emotional or mental baggage that burdens her; as when she first attempts to get through the door, she is told that she is ‘too heavy’. Now, despite the concept being fictitious and personally not believing in any sort of afterlife, it got me thinking…

Every memory I regard as being ‘important’ to me – positive or not – will stay with me. This will not be a ‘stay with me’ as a short space of time or coming up every once in a while, they are a constant presence, disrupting my day to day thoughts and often the way in which I react to a variety of different situations.

Keeping memories hidden and inside hurts. This is difficult when particular memories arise. These can be triggered by anything; from the weather, certain songs to drives in the car. Memories are painful to me, whether they are positive or negative. The past is something I am constantly finding myself unintentionally dwelling on and every person does it. Do they have their lives disrupted and affected by the fear of accidentally concentrating on the past?

Of course, this could all be something that I experience because of my mental health struggles and has nothing to do with any sort of damaging life experiences I may have had. But I will leave this post with a last, single question:

People often smile on the thought of happy times,

Why can’t I do that?

 

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